The moment you hear the words, you have breast cancer, the world seems to shift on its axis. The overwhelming emotions, the fear of the unknown, and the immediate concern for your loved ones can be paralyzing. But amidst the whirlwind of emotions, one thought often looms large: How do I tell my children?

As a breast cancer survivor and mother of three, I understand the profound impact of this conversation.  Sharing such life-altering news with your children can be daunting, but it's crucial to involve them in this journey. Their understanding, support, and resilience will be instrumental in your fight against breast cancer.

When I first heard the words "breast cancer," my mind raced with questions and fears. The thought of sharing this diagnosis with my children was devastating. I worried about their reactions, their fears, and the uncertainty that would cloud their young minds.

But amidst the turmoil, a realization struck me: the only chance I had of beating this disease was if my children were on board. Their emotional well-being was paramount, and their support would provide an anchor in the storm.

With this newfound determination, I embarked on the delicate task of preparing my children for my breast cancer journey. I knew that education, faith, and open communication would be the cornerstones of this process.

Here are six key tips for explaining your breast cancer diagnosis to your child:

1. Education: Empowering Knowledge

Arming my children with knowledge was my first step. I explained the basics of breast cancer, emphasizing that it's a common disease with many successful treatment options. I assured them that early detection and treatment were key to a positive outcome. I made sure to tell them that although I had breast cancer, I found it early and I just had to undergo treatment now before it grows and becomes a bigger problem. I also assured them that when I appear sick, I am not actually sick because of the cancer, but due to the chemotherapy and treatment.

2. Open Communication: A Bridge of Understanding

Throughout my journey, I maintained open and honest communication with my children. I encouraged them to ask questions, express their fears, and share their worries.  I listened without judgment, providing reassurance and addressing their concerns with empathy and understanding.

I knew early on that I had to be completely honest about my diagnosis. I knew that keeping anything from them would just make them more fearful.  This open dialogue fostered a sense of trust and security. My children knew that they could turn to me for honest information and emotional support, creating a foundation of resilience and understanding.

While some parents may initially feel inclined to shield their children from the reality of the situation, I've found that honesty is crucial in building trust and open communication. Children are keen observers, and they will often sense that something is wrong if you try to hide the truth.

Instead, approach the conversation with honesty and openness. Explain your diagnosis in a way that is age-appropriate, using simple language and avoiding medical jargon. Be prepared to answer their questions, no matter how difficult they may seem.

3. Embrace Positivity: Your Attitude Sets the Tone

I discovered early on that my children would mimic my attitude or approach to breast cancer. When they could see that I was taking a positive approach to my diagnosis, it made them fight to be positive as well. Children are incredibly perceptive and will often mirror the emotions they see in their parents. If you approach your diagnosis with fear and negativity, it will naturally transfer to your child, exacerbating their anxiety and apprehension. Instead, strive to maintain a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity. Your optimism will not only reassure your child but also provide you with the strength and determination to face the challenges ahead.

4. Considerate Wording: Your Words Matter

The language you choose can significantly impact your child's understanding and emotional response. Avoid using words that evoke fear or uncertainty, such as "cancer" or "sickness." Instead, opt for more neutral terms like "diagnosis" or "treatment." When discussing your diagnosis, frame it as a challenge the family will face together. Emphasize your determination to overcome this obstacle and reassure them that you are not alone in this fight.

5. Build a fighting team: Family vs. Breast Cancer

As a family, it can be helpful to approach breast cancer as a team. As I navigated the challenges of breast cancer treatment, my family and I decided that we were all fighting breast cancer. We decided early on that we would fight it together. We were a team and breast cancer was the enemy. By creating a team approach to beating breast cancer,  my children's strength and resilience became my source of inspiration. They embraced our new normal with unwavering support, their love providing the fuel I needed to fight. By empowering my children with knowledge, faith, and open communication, I transformed their fears into a source of support and strength. Their belief in me fueled my determination, reminding me that I was not fighting this battle alone.

6. Seek Age-Appropriate Resources: Books Can Provide Comfort

Children's books can be a valuable tool in helping children understand and process complex issues like breast cancer.  As an author and breast cancer survivor, I know how important it is to have age-appropriate books to help children understand and cope with a parent's diagnosis. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my 7-year-old son was understandably scared and confused. I wanted to find a book that would help him understand what was happening, but I couldn't find anything that was both informative and sensitive. That's why I decided to write BK's Mommy Has Breast Cancer.

I wrote this book to help my 7-year-old son understand and deal with my breast cancer diagnosis. My goal with this book was to create a resource that would help children feel less alone and more empowered during this difficult time. I wanted to show them that even though their parent is sick, there are still things they can do to show their love and support. I also wanted to emphasize the importance of continuing to live their lives and have fun, even in the midst of a crisis.

Navigating a breast cancer diagnosis is undoubtedly a challenging experience, but it's crucial to remember that your child's well-being is paramount. By adopting a positive attitude, communicating openly, choosing considerate words, and utilizing age-appropriate resources, you can help your child through this difficult journey.

 I urge you to embrace the power of shared resilience. Involve your children in your journey, empower them with knowledge, and foster open communication. Their support will be your anchor in the storm, propelling you towards victory.

Remember, you are not alone in this fight. There are countless resources available to support you and your family. Reach out to your healthcare team, connect with school counselors and teachers, connect with fellow survivors, and seek professional counseling if needed. Together, you can overcome this challenge and emerge stronger as a family.

MArquita goodluck

CONTRIBUTOR

Marquita Goodluck is Keep A Breast’s Give Back Grant Program Manager and a breast cancer advocate who uses her personal experience with breast cancer to educate and inform women on how to navigate a breast cancer diagnosis. She participates in panels, speaking engagements, lobbying, and fundraising efforts. Additionally, she authored the children's book "BK's Mommy Has Breast Cancer" to inspire and help children dealing with a breast cancer journey.

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Opinions expressed by the identified author in this blog post are their own and may not represent the views of the Keep A Breast Foundation or its management. Information found on the KAB website is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. You are advised to consult a medical professional or healthcare provider if you are seeking medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment.

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